Full Movie Reviews
Rating of
2/4
"Jupiter Ascending" by Yojimbo
Yojimbo - wrote on 05/30/2017
An ordinary young woman is rescued from alien killers and finds that she is not a cleaner after all, but a genetic descendant of an ancient intergalactic dynasty who stands to literally inherit the Earth.
This space opera from the Wachowskis has a very old school feel to it; it has the "Come with me if you want to live!" character dynamic and a plot that owes a lot to the likes of Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers. The Saturday morning serial feel is added to by a very episodic plot as our heroine is constantly kidnapped, rescued and kidnapped again by the various factions out to exploit her. The effects are pleasing enough and have a Dune-like quality in their representation of an intergalactic empire although the action sequences are so frenetically paced it often becomes difficult to …
Rating of
2/4
Jupiter Ascending is an odd but not awful epic...
Indyfreak - wrote on 01/23/2017
The latest wannabe blockbuster from Warner Brothers Pictures is the sprawling and overwrought space opera Jupiter Ascending. Almost as notorious as Waterworld or John Carter in as far as its reputation is concerned, it is not as entertaining as those box office flops are. While those titles are entertaining in a goofy B movie fashion, Jupiter Ascending has far loftier pretensions, fancying itself as the next Star Wars.
It certainly has ambition and no one can fault it for going all the way. But it is often po-faced and serious about its own self-importance, it becomes a bloated self indulgent affair at certain parts. But it's not completely bad and honestly, while I didn't enjoy it, I'm sure that casual audiences will find what they're looking for because the movie is constructed from …
Rating of
1/4
'Jupiter ASS-ending'
Unknown - wrote on 01/06/2016
'Jupiter Ascending' is the latest debacle from the declining talents of the Wachowski siblings. Another original sci-fi creation of theirs involving a huge scope and massive amounts of fantastical imagery that is ultimately hollow. Yes, the effects are pretty damn impressive at times. The vast array of alien species and futuristic technology is ever expanding. Those are literally the only positives I can come up with. Our main characters are completely mis-cast, have little-to-no personality, and exhibit no believable emotions towards one another despite their forced attraction. The entire story is so simple, but the sprawling plot and overly political dialogue would have you think otherwise. Three siblings, each wanting to rule Earth alone, take turns trying to convince the …
Rating of
1/4
Magnificent images but terrible story
ikkegoemikke - wrote on 06/24/2015
It can be difficult for people from underdeveloped worlds to hear that their planet is not the only inhabited planet.
In terms of views and images, "Jupiter Ascending" is a spectacle with an impressive space footage, sometimes rousing action sequences and titillating extraterrestrial fantasies. But just as a book of Jack Vance, it really doesn't make any sense in the beginning. The difference is that while reading that book of Vance, the intended message becomes clear to you. With "Jupiter Ascending" it's still fairly muddled and incomprehensible in the end and you seem to sink into hotchpotch of futuristic ideas. An epic work that throws together different aspects from other SF classics such as "Flash Gordon", "Star Wars" and "Battlestar Galactica". The added Cinderella fairytale …
Rating of
1.5/4
Jupiter Ascending
Randy - wrote on 05/07/2015
When I saw the trailer for Jupiter Ascending I thought there was a possibility that this could be a revolutionary action film. All the effects were really cool and it is a movie that is just very appealing to your eyes. However this movie becomes an even worse version of Star Wars The Phantom Menace. It becomes a Sci-Fi film that becomes way too political and who really cares about politics or at least in a movie in this genre. Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis both do alright in this movie, they aren't terrible although they were both definitely brought in as a cash grab because they are two of the most popular and attractive people in the business right now. The real dud performer in this movie is Oscar winner Eddie Redmayne. Redmayne has one of the stupidest and most annoying voices ever …
Rating of
1.5/4
The Elephant beyond the stars
Matthew Brady - wrote on 02/08/2015
Jupiter Ascending probably has one of the funniest scene so far in 2015 and that is the scene where a captain of this ship who's in a war battle and the captain says "Full speed a head", and it pans down to this elephant man like creature and it makes the funniest noise ever and of cause I laughed my head off.
The story is about Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis), who was born under a night sky, with signs predicting she was destined for great things. Now grown, Jupiter dreams of the stars but wakes up to the cold reality of a job cleaning other people's houses and an endless run of bad breaks. Only when Caine (Channing Tatum), a genetically engineered ex-military hunter, arrives on Earth to track her down does Jupiter begin to glimpse the fate that has been waiting for her all along-her …
