Rating of
1/4
"The Time Machine" by Yojimbo
Yojimbo - wrote on 03/15/12
Guy Pearce travels back in time to recreate a half-arsed Victorian version of The Butterfly Effect, but when he is thwarted travels forward to find the world has been taken over by rubbish CGI and libraries have been turned into homages to Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey. Obviously dismayed by this, he travels to the far future to find the human race has been split into two; one half the offspring of the extras from Waterworld and Ewoks, the other giant Muppets who round them up in a fashion not unlike that in Planet Of The Apes. Jeremy Irons turns up to collect his paycheck dressed up as a reject From Battlefield Earth before slinking off, muttering "never again..." (you said that after Dungeons & Dragons, Jeremy) and I get the uncontrollable urge to invent a time machine to so I can travel to a point in the future after this film has finished. Basically, a classic of English literature has been turned into a cornball pastiche of every junk sci-fi film of the past 40 years fronted by an Australian soap actor and a pop star in a see-through top. That Time Machine was a warning of what will happen to mankind if it abandons books and learning. This Time Machine is a warning of what will happen if Hollywood script writers abandon all books and learning.
