Rating of
0.5/4
'Fifty Shades of Crap'
Unknown - wrote on 01/10/16
Where do I begin... ? 'Fifty Shades of Grey' is one of the worst 'romance' movies I've ever seen. For starters, the two leads have zero compatibility. I never believed they were into each other for a single second. One is trying (Johnson), while the other just can't act (Dornan). But wait, it gets worse. She is a young, naive, but also well educated normal girl who is attracted to a rich guy with good looks. Who wouldn't? (Ugh) He's into BDSM and not looking for a relationship. But, for some unknown reason, he encourages their dating. He backs off immediately after the first date, only to stalk her and then eventually go steady. She just goes with it cause of his looks and money (I assume). It's not like actual thoughts, feelings, and emotions towards a potential lover are needed in a romance movie (*sarcasm*). They negotiate a written contract for what she will and will not do in the bedroom. A long list of explicitly kinky acts are rattled off - none of which are ever mentioned again. Of course, the only sex they ever have is of the kink-free completely normal variety. Those few scenes are not the least bit sensual given the lack of passion between the pair and the disconnect/loathing contempt I had for the characters. He shows off his wealth to her, she becomes increasingly curious of his unseen sexual habits, and they eventually don't agree on much. After a long and slow two hours she FINALLY asks him to perform his BDSM ways upon her, saying: "Show me your worst.". Instead of actual BDSM, we are treated to a quick six smacking's of her rear with a dull switch. Yay? She does't like it and leaves. This whole situation could've been avoided if she had just searched BDSM when she gawked at him on the internet in the very beginning! The fact that there are two more books worth of continuing story is insane. This movie royally SUCKS!
