Rating of
0.5/4
Sea Monkeys come to the big screen
Andulamb - wrote on 10/02/20
At the height of the U.S.-Soviet space race, the U.S. sends its biggest creep to South America to kidnap the King of the Sea Monkeys. You see, the Sea Monkey King has both gills and lungs and therefore holds the secret to-- space travel?!? The SMK is befriended by a mute cleaning woman whose scars are the result of an unexplained vocal-cord-severing incident that occurred when she was an infant, that for some reason involved six parallel incisions, three on either side of her neck, and which isn't worth mentioning except to stop anyone from wondering if they're gills. The government decides to dissect the SMK because that's what you do with an irreplaceable scientific marvel in the movies. The gill-less cleaning woman hatches a cunning one-step plan to rescue the doomed SMK: break into the impenetrable SMK vault, which she does by looking both ways before entering the unlocked and unguarded chamber. Thus concludes her plan. Fortunately, two more absolutely crucial steps fall right into her lap. The first crucial step: a friendly Russian scientist appears out of nowhere and hands the gill-less cleaning woman the keys to the SMK's chains. The second crucial step: the friendly Russian scientist gives her a packet of Sea Monkey Water Purifier. I'd better stop there. To say any more would spoil the magic of this magical ripoff of Splash and E.T. Hey, did you hear that The Shape of Water received 13 Oscar nominations? What are you waiting for?!? Go watch Splash and E.T. today!
