Rating of
0.5/4
Review - Meet the Spartans (2008)
Delorted - wrote on 01/30/08
Last year I decided that “Epic Movie” was the most eye-gougingly awful movie in existence. That was true until “Meet the Spartans” came out this year. Now we have a whole new low that I honestly never thought we’d be able to sink to. Here we have a movie that is so staggeringly awful that it’s almost not worth writing a review. I wish I could just put in big bold letters “DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE” and be done with it, but it’s my sworn duty to myself to do this job that I don’t get paid for. Even if I did get paid, it would never be enough to compensate for the suffering watching this movie can be.
I can only guess that the main plot of the movie was a parody of the movie “300,” and by guess, I mean that the narrator tells you right off the bat that you are watching a parody of the movie “300.” Every parody is done in this way, like they actually thought their audience was so stupid that they couldn’t process that a joke was making fun of another movie or part of pop culture. Not only that, but the jokes themselves are not even that much of jokes to begin with. Picture several people standing in an empty room just shouting out titles of movies, TV shows and celebrity names and characteristics. Not making fun of them. Not even mentioning what they have to do with each other. Just saying the names and standing still like an idiot for an hour and a half. That represents this movie. Heck, that would be more entertaining than this movie, because here they actually attempted jokes, all of which fall completely flat.
If you’ve seen “Date Movie,” “Epic Movie,” or any other “Movie” movie, you should know exactly what you’re going in to here. On second thought, you probably can only imagine what you’re going in to because this one is just so much worse than those. They make jokes that people have made since the movies being referenced came out, they poke fun at people who have been joked about for a year now, and the only times where there seems to be any originality, and mark my words, those moments are rarer than dodo birds, the acting or the writing completely shuts out all reasons to laugh.
I beg of you, if a friend tries to drag you into this movie, tell them you’re going to get popcorn and split. I don’t care if that person was your ride and you live twenty miles from the theater, the dash home will be less painful than “Meet the Spartans.” I’m actually tempted to steal the DVD from a store (I wouldn’t pay because then they win) and burn it in the parking lot Hendrix-style. Do not see this movie. Do not think about seeing this movie. Better yet, just pretend that it never existed.
Acting: 0/10
Writing: 0/10
Video/Editing: 0/10
Audio/Music: 0/10
Entertainment: 0/10
Final Score: 0/10
