Chris Kavan's Movie Review of Immortals (2011)

Gods and General Chaos
Chris Kavan - wrote on 11/13/11

While marketing would suggest that Immortals is the next 300 - and while the style and even the plot somewhat mirror that spectacle, Immortals is more of a shadow to that film than a successor.

Comparisons: A small group of warriors going up against a huge force commanded by a monster. A traitor who betrays his own army and provides damning intel for the enemy. Plenty of slo-mo violence involving various weapons - including one attack scene that looked like it could have straight out of God of War.

The story revolves around an army led by King Hyperion - a man who enjoys torture, murder and being merciless, as played by Mickey Rourke. He probably kills kittens in his spare time when not roasting women alive or having men's testicles smashed in by large hammers. Rourke snarls his way through the role and has some questionable fashion sense involving spikes.

Hyperion in searching for a bow crafted by the gods so that he may free the titans, kill the gods and then rule the world... or something like that. I don't really know what his post-titan plans involve as I would assume the titans would kind of ruin things for everyone but I digress. In order to find said bow Hyperion is taking his army cross country and attacking temples looking for the virgin oracle who can find just what he's looking for. Lucky for us there just happens to be a peasant who is blessed of the gods and knows no fear - one Theseus - who just might be able to save the day.

Of course the gods themselves can't get involved - that would be too easy. Even if they do, Zeus will throw down him ban-hammer with extreme prejudice and kill those mortal-helping fools. If the titans happen to be released, however, the gods have free reign to smash, stab, decapitate and generally destroy anything that stands in their way.

Woe be to anyone trying to follow this a student of the classics. Just don't even try - even worse than Troy or 300 - trying to match this up with actual mythology is a cluster of unimaginable proportions. Things like why only a handful of gods are acknowledged in the entire film or why "Immortals" can kill each other, just stretches the bounds of imagination. However, if you go in treating this like an original work with no bearing on existing material, you'll probably enjoy yourself much more.

Beyond that - the movie is a classic example of lots style but little substance. The characters are all broad with little development to speak of. The special effects are pretty good, but as I mentioned, they seem like they're trying to emulate 300 but it comes across as a pale imitation. Plus, I have to admit that I was expecting a lot more action than what was presented. So while I was entertained, it failed as a drama, it failed as a pure action film and in the end I just don't think it was good enough. I would recommend waiting until this is available to rent as the big screen experience just isn't worth the cost.